Episode: Pilot
Nate: (Serena hands him a bottle of champagne the cork immediately pops, spilling onto both of them) Whoops! I swear, that’s never happened to me before.
Serena: That’s ok, your still a man in my eyes.
Jenny: (To Dan, about a dress) Too bad it’s more than our rent. But I think I can sew something like it.
Rufus: (to Dan)Maybe if musicians got off their blogs and picked up their guitars, the music business would be in better shape.
Isabel: Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central!
Chuck: Good. Things are getting a little dull around here.
Jenny: So we should just be anonymous losers who eat lunch alone and never get invited to parties?
Dan: Works for me.
(Blair is trying to have sex with Nate after founding out that Serena is coming back)
Gossip Girl: Better lock it down with Nate, B. Clock is ticking.
Chuck: Who’s the newbie?
Kati: Jenny Humphrey, she’s a freshman.
Chuck: I love freshmen. They’re so…
Isabel: Fresh?
Rufus: Guess whos dad is cool!
Jenny: It’s a trick-question.
Dan: Yeah, cos it can’t be ours.
Chuck: Hi. I’m Chuck
Jenny: I know! Um… I mean, hi I’m Jenny.
Chuck: Nathaniel, any interest in some fresh air? (Chuck signals Nate that he wants to smoke a joint with him)
Nate: When I get back?
Blair: If he gets back! (Blair leads Nate into her bedroom and pushes him onto the bed)
Nate: What’s going on?
Blair: I wanna do this… It… Now.
Nate: Now now? You wanted to wait…
Blair: Not anymore.
Serena:(to Blair) You’re like my sister. And with our families… we need each other.
Serena: So, when’s the party?
Blair: Saturday… and you’re kinda not invited. Since, until 12 hours ago, we all thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.
Jenny: Actually…
Blair: You can go now.
Serena:(to Nate) Look, Blair’s my best friend and you’re her boyfriend, and she loves you. That’s the way things are supposed to be.
Serena: You know my mom, if it’s not broke, break it.
Chuck: Serena looked effing hot last night. There’s something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be… violated.
Nate: You are deeply disturbed.
Chuck: And yet you know I’m right.
Serena: Oh my God, this is so good!
Chuck: Well if you’re looking for a way to thank me, I’ve got a couple ideas…
Serena: It’s a sandwich, Chuck.
Dan: (to Jenny) I don’t read Gossip Girl. That’s for chicks.
Blair: You missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn’t such a tragedy, it would’ve been funny. (smiles) Actually it kind of was.
(both start laughing)
Serena: I wish I could have been there.
Blair: You are now.
Gossip Girl: Spotted at The Palace Hotel, S and B having a heart-to-heart. Mhm. Why so thirsty, S? (Serena is drinking some cocktail, greedy) You may have won over B, for now, but we still think you’re hiding something.
Serena: You asked me out on a date and you didn’t think I was nice?
Dan: No, I just thought you were hot. And, technically, you asked me out.
Blair: (About Serena) She better not show her face again.
Chuck: I’m actually hoping she will.
Serena: Let me guess. You’ve told everyone Eric is just visiting Grandpa in
Lillian: Your Aunt Carol in
Serena: So you are actually hiding him. He tries to take his own life and you’re worried it’s going to cost you ‘Mom of the Year’.
Lillian: Serena, you’ve been gone, doing who knows what, with God knows who.
Serena: I’ve told you. Boarding school was not like that!
Lillian: You know, as happy as I am to have you home, you have no idea what it’s been like.
Rufus: How was your weekend? How’s your mom?
(At the same time)
Jenny: She’s fine.
Dan: She’s good and fine.
Rufus: Like ‘Maybe I should have never left
(Pause)
Dan: Uhm, you know what… I’m starving.
Rufus: Let’s go home. I’m cooking.
(They start going; Dan sees Serena)
Gossip Girl: Spotted. Lonely boy. Can’t believe the love of his life has returned. If only she knew who he was. But everyone knows Serena and everyone is talking. Wonder what Blair Waldorf thinks. Sure, they’re BFFs but we’ve always thought Blair’s boyfriend Nate had a thing for Serena.
Rufus: Lily. Are you shopping for some more art to match your furniture?
Lillian: Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus: Because we’re awesome.
Lillian: With your son?
Rufus: Dan’s got a date with Serena?
Lillian: Hmm.
Rufus: Well, our kids were about to meet. It’s a small island.
Lillian: You sure it’s not some ploy you’re using my daughter to get to me now that your wife left you?
Rufus: How do you know about Alison?
Lillian: Like you said. Small island.
Rufus: Oh, I get it. You hear about Alison, use your daughter as an excuse to start something.
Lillian: Yeah. (laughs) In your dreams.
Rufus: Well, you are in my dreams, Lily. And one of them particular occurs finding you in the back of a Nine Inch Nails bus with your shoes in your earrings and Trent Reznor… oh, that happened!
Lily: No need to rehash details of decades pass. So I moved on.
Rufus: Yeah, from Chanterlane to
Lily: You think you’re so cute. Washed up band, crappy so-called ‘art gallery’.
Rufus: Well, not all of us have settlements from mulitple divorcés to sustain us.
Lily: Just stay out of my life, Rufus!
